As early as 7 years, some of us were already praying for rightful husbands. Almost every Aunt was not happy, your sister who just got married is crying herself to sleep every single night. At night, before you go to bed, your mom recounts the events of the day to you and always, ends with, “Allah ze saka min “. And there comes the question, what about me? The odds were already against us, even before we were born. You were more likely to end up with an abusive husband than you were to end up with a decent one.
If your mom wasn’t the victim, your Grandma was, if it wasn’t your grandma someone in your family was. There had to be. Then came the Modern Hausa woman. She refused to be trampled upon, she said if my husband can cheat and get away with it, why can’t I? And this, in turn provoked the Modern Hausa man. He simply Couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t do as he wanted. After all her mother had done it. To sit here and read derogatory comments about the Hausa woman who was and is still is the embodiment of “yi nayi, bari na bari” , boils my blood.
I am pained 4 my mother, I am pained 4 my sisters and I am pained 4 all the women in my family . Marriage, I have cm to realize is seen as a gift a man gives to a woman. Hence the statement “danma zaa auri ‘yarsu”. Whatever the Hausa woman has done does not warrant such backlash
Ladies, any man who says to you kinsan tunanin mata or something in that line run for your dear life. He is a misogynist in training. He will never look at you like a full human being whose opinion is just as relevant as his. Isn’t it the same Jannah we are all striving for?.
And I’d be lying if I said I don’t look forward to marriage but every day I wake up less excited than the previous. I’m sure if some Hausa men owned Jannah they wouldn’t give most of us admission, but guess what, we can enter Jannah without being married , so, jokes on you.
Almost all the things you want to be praised for are what Allah has ordained you to do. Despite everything I’ve seen here, I have hope. Wallahi, and Insha Allah, i will not mother a misogynis.
But I believe we all have a lot of unlearning to do; the stereotypes and all. It all comes down to the fact that we see it as us against them whereas we’re all in this together. If the average Hausa man thinks like the average people, akwai babban matsala.
Before you come here to talk, think, would you mother be proud? All those years of trying to shape you to be the best of ppl all gone to waste? Today I get to tweet this, because my mother sat down at home, cooked, ate and watched TV and waited for me to come back from school.
Today I get to pursue a degree while my mother has none and today I am the person I am because when it was time for my mother to choose between me or her, she chose me. Every. Goddamned. Time.
As a man, who you decide to be now or ten years from now is who your daughter is going to end up with as a life partner. Choose wisely. I am not your daughter.
All this energy and time, I could have finished Sefi Atta’s everything good will come. But because we keep quiet, some of you think we must be very stupid
All these sacrifices and this is what they get? I want to engage most of you but I can’t, my notifications are all over the place, some mentions I see, some I don’t. I hope you understand. I appreciate you all.